I have finally gotten around to watching the 2009 version of The Prisoner. I have resisted doing so for a fair few weeks now, mainly because of the profound affect that the original series had on me.
The first thing that does strike me about the new version is that it is definitely not the original. Like so much in the modern world, we require answers. This was something which, even to this day, the original series refuses to give us definitively. We may have theories, but no definitive answers about it.
This is something that the new series does not provide us with; the new series gives us the answers. It gives us a fully coherent explanation for what is going on. We know what the Village is; we know why it exists, and what the purpose of the Village is.
I think that the reason why the new series does this is because the modern viewing public, in general, would not accept anything like the original series in its enigmaticness. Today, we demand answers, we demand explanations. We are not prepared to accept something that does not have a rationale that we can get from the programme alone. We demand TV that explains rather than TV which makes us think.
I think for this reason alone, I am going to be looking upon the new series as just a tele-visual event which uses the toolbox of the original, the trappings and scenery so to speak, to tell a completely different story. This is probably the better way of looking on it. To fundamentally compare it to the original would be unfair.
So, what did I think of The Prisoner (2009) as a tele-visual event in its own right? Overall, I enjoyed it. For what it is, it is enjoyable.
The first thing that I would recommend is that it is watched, as best as possible, back to back. In doing so I think it is easier to accept it as being one complete story, rather than an episodic adventure. The Prisoner (2009) is basically just one, very long, story with a clearly defined narrative.
With the entire story in mind, the look of The Village made sense. Something like the original location would not have worked the same way that the modern set does. The modern Village makes senses when you get to the resolution in the Checkmate, the last instalment. You can see why they went with the set that they did.
The story itself is interesting. It is very much one persons quest to find the truth about what is going on, the truth behind what he uncovers. However, unlike the original, the quest is complete by the end of the last instalment.
It is hard to talk about the actually story itself without spoiling it for those that have not watched it, and this is something that I would not want to do.
I would recommend watching it, for the unfolding story. However, I would suggest that it is watched on the understanding that it is not the original series nor does it attempt to do what the original series did. The Prisoner (2009) is very much its own beast, with its own story to tell. It uses the trappings of the original but that is all it has in common with the original. Watch it for what it has got to tell, the story it wants to portray, rather than a reimagining of what the original series was.
Monday, 7 December 2009
Thursday, 3 December 2009
The Letter
The journey home had been horrendous and he thought that it would never end. But it had, and he was finally home. Closing the front door on the bitter winter wind that had cut through him only minutes previously, he turned on the hall light. He stood with him back against the door and rested for a minute. It had been a long day. In fact, it had been a long week. Monday seemed like a lifetime ago, even though only three days had passed.
He reached down to pick up the mail that was on the carpet and set off into the lounge. Pausing only to throw the letters in his hand onto the sofa, he quickly lit the fire and then went to fix himself a drink. He did not normally drink so early in the evening, preferring a large measure of brandy post-dinner instead. But he did not really care about routine. Not this week.
Drink in hand, he made his way to the sofa and sat down. He slowly sipped his drink and stare into the mock flame effect that dance before his eyes. He just sat there, staring at the fire and letting the minutes pass him by.
He was not sure how long his mind had wandered for before he came back to the present. He knew that he was hungry and should really fix himself something to eat. He could not face anything major. Truth be told, he had not really eaten properly all week. He would just have something light. Something to take the edge off the hunger pangs.
Five minutes later he returned to the lounge with some cheese on rustic bread. It was nothing fancy but it would serve its purpose. He turned the fire down a notch since the room was nicely warmed through and fixed himself another drink, before returning to the sofa and his necessary snack.
Whilst chewing on one of his open sandwiches, he started to flick through the mail opening each one in turn. Bill, Bill, Charity appeal, Bill. Then he saw the last letter in the pile, one completely different to the normal ‘run of the mill’ mail that he normally received. It was just a standard white envelope, with hand written address and a second class stamp on it.
He recognised the hand writing immediately. It was distinctive. He would know it anyway. Then he looked at the post mark that covered the stamp. Saturday, it had been post marked Saturday. It was post marked before.
He quickly ripped open the envelope and pulled out the sheets of writing paper inside. Each piece was hand written in the same distinctive handwriting.
He slowly took a drink from the glass that rested on the arm of the sofa and started to read.
Dear Tom,
You probably have been asking yourself why I did it. You probably have been wondering whether there was something that you missed, something that you should have seen. You probably have been wondering whether there was something that you could have done to prevent it. I want to explain. I want you to know why and also why I could never tell you before now.
It all started six months ago. Do you remember? You had had that meeting with the Finance Director and had come storming into the office afterwards. You had just found out that someone had been embezzling money from the company. Do you remember? That was when it all started.
The investigation was swift and the evidence was found on Mathew’s computer. The investigators found copies of all the fake invoices that had been processed by Accounts. They found evidence which linked him to the PO Box number that the cheques had been issued to.
I can still remember your anger when the Crown Prosecution Service said that they did not have enough to bring the case to trial. But did that really matter in the end? He had lost everything anyway. His job, his reputation, even his family left him. He had nothing left. That was why he killed himself.
But he had protested his innocence until the very end. Even in his suicide note he maintained he was innocent and that he had been framed for the fraud. But, in the end, this was not enough to keep him going. He had lost everything and had nothing to live for anymore. That was why he killed himself in the end.
You believed that his guilt had finally gotten to him. You believed that he could no longer handle the guilt of stealing all that money from the company. You believed that, in taking his own life, he had proven that he had done it.
It is hard to believe that it was four months ago that Mathew’s killed himself. Even now I can still remember every detail of the day that we found out. That day as haunted me ever since.
He went to the grave protesting his innocence and the truth of it is he was. Mathew’s did not do it. I did. I was the one that took the money. I was the one that perpetrated the fraud against the company.
I had been desperate for money. I was on the verge of losing the house because I could not afford to keep up the payments. I had been banking on a pay rise to help but it was not going to happen. Do you remember? The company had been going through a bad patch and no one was going to get a pay rise or a bonus that year.
I was desperate and so I came up with the plan. It was very simple really. Submit fake invoices, get Accounts to process them, and then cash the cheques. I remember my nerves the first time that I did it. I am surprised that I did not crack there and then. I was sure that you would have noticed at the time. But you didn’t and I got away with it.
I cannot say that I did not feel guilty about what I had done because I did. However, what choice did I have? I need the money and there was no other way of getting it.
Once business was better and I got that pay rise I did think of stopping. I did think of giving it up. Looking back with hindsight I wish I had. But I did not. After all, it had been a year and I had not been caught.
But I did stop taking the money for myself. I started to make donations to charity with it instead. I think donating the money helped ease my conscience a bit. After all, I was no longer doing it for my benefit. I was doing it for the benefit of others now. I felt like a modern day Robin Hood, stealing from the rich and giving to the poor. I did start feeling good about myself. It is just a shame that it did not last that long.
I had always had a plan in place, just in case my scheme got uncovered. It was never actually meant to be Mathew’s who took the fall. It should have been Johnston. He was perfect for the role of fall guy, especially after how he humiliated you over the Franken fiasco. He deserved to be taken down.
It would have been Johnston if he had not had that heart attack which took him out of the picture. How could he be blamed for something when he was not around?
It was purely by chance that it was Mathew’s that got picked to be the replacement. If he had not gone back to the hotel room with Sandra at the Christmas Party then he might never have been picked. But he did and he was.
It was easy enough to befriend him really, to gain his trust. I think he was desperate to feel wanted. So, the squash games started, and then the nights out. Within a very short space of time I knew his computer password, which is all I ever really wanted from him.
So, when everything got discovered it was easy to plant the evidence on his computer. If only I had known then how it would have played out. If only I had known what would have happened. But I didn’t know and so I framed him.
I felt relieved when he was sacked. I was relieved that it was over with. I was relieved that I had gotten away with it. If only it had lasted.
Mathew’s death hit me hard. After all, I was to blame for it. I was responsible for what happened to him. If I had not done it, if I had not planted the evidence on his computer, then he would have been alive. But I did and he is not.
For four months I have had to live with the knowledge of what I have done. For four months I have had to live with the knowledge that I am responsible for his death. I have lived with this for four months and I cannot live with it any longer.
I am responsible for him taking his life. I am responsible for pulling the trigger. I am responsible for his death. I am responsible and I cannot live with the guilt any longer.
This is why I am going to end it tonight. Now you know the reason. You know the reason why I can no longer go on living with myself, and the reason why I could never have come to you to explain.
I am not sorry for starting the fraud. After all, it was only money. But I am sorry that I continued with it when I did not need to. I am sorry that I framed Mathew’s for it rather than taking responsibility for it myself.
I am sorry that I betrayed your trust. A part of me thinks that I should not be writing this letter, that I should not be explaining it to you. But
I know that I must. I know that you need to know the truth. You need to know what I have done and why I cannot live with the guilt any longer.
I hope that you can forgive me but I understand if you cannot. You deserve to know the truth. What you do with it I leave up to you.
I’m sorry.
David
Tom stared at the last page of the letter. He had no idea what his friend had done. He had no idea what he had been going through. He had no idea the secret that had been slowly eating away at him.
He finished the last of the drink that remained in his glass before going to fix another one, which he quickly downed.
David had always been a good friend to him. He had always been there for him, both at work and away from it. He had always been there when he need him.
Putting the empty glass down, he went over to ash tray that sat on the coffee table and started to tear the letter into little pieces. He dropped the pieces into the ash tray and lit a match, which he dropped on top of them. He watched the paper burn until all that was left was the blackened remains of David’s confession.
He may not have been therefore him at the end, but he could be there for him now.
He reached down to pick up the mail that was on the carpet and set off into the lounge. Pausing only to throw the letters in his hand onto the sofa, he quickly lit the fire and then went to fix himself a drink. He did not normally drink so early in the evening, preferring a large measure of brandy post-dinner instead. But he did not really care about routine. Not this week.
Drink in hand, he made his way to the sofa and sat down. He slowly sipped his drink and stare into the mock flame effect that dance before his eyes. He just sat there, staring at the fire and letting the minutes pass him by.
He was not sure how long his mind had wandered for before he came back to the present. He knew that he was hungry and should really fix himself something to eat. He could not face anything major. Truth be told, he had not really eaten properly all week. He would just have something light. Something to take the edge off the hunger pangs.
Five minutes later he returned to the lounge with some cheese on rustic bread. It was nothing fancy but it would serve its purpose. He turned the fire down a notch since the room was nicely warmed through and fixed himself another drink, before returning to the sofa and his necessary snack.
Whilst chewing on one of his open sandwiches, he started to flick through the mail opening each one in turn. Bill, Bill, Charity appeal, Bill. Then he saw the last letter in the pile, one completely different to the normal ‘run of the mill’ mail that he normally received. It was just a standard white envelope, with hand written address and a second class stamp on it.
He recognised the hand writing immediately. It was distinctive. He would know it anyway. Then he looked at the post mark that covered the stamp. Saturday, it had been post marked Saturday. It was post marked before.
He quickly ripped open the envelope and pulled out the sheets of writing paper inside. Each piece was hand written in the same distinctive handwriting.
He slowly took a drink from the glass that rested on the arm of the sofa and started to read.
Dear Tom,
You probably have been asking yourself why I did it. You probably have been wondering whether there was something that you missed, something that you should have seen. You probably have been wondering whether there was something that you could have done to prevent it. I want to explain. I want you to know why and also why I could never tell you before now.
It all started six months ago. Do you remember? You had had that meeting with the Finance Director and had come storming into the office afterwards. You had just found out that someone had been embezzling money from the company. Do you remember? That was when it all started.
The investigation was swift and the evidence was found on Mathew’s computer. The investigators found copies of all the fake invoices that had been processed by Accounts. They found evidence which linked him to the PO Box number that the cheques had been issued to.
I can still remember your anger when the Crown Prosecution Service said that they did not have enough to bring the case to trial. But did that really matter in the end? He had lost everything anyway. His job, his reputation, even his family left him. He had nothing left. That was why he killed himself.
But he had protested his innocence until the very end. Even in his suicide note he maintained he was innocent and that he had been framed for the fraud. But, in the end, this was not enough to keep him going. He had lost everything and had nothing to live for anymore. That was why he killed himself in the end.
You believed that his guilt had finally gotten to him. You believed that he could no longer handle the guilt of stealing all that money from the company. You believed that, in taking his own life, he had proven that he had done it.
It is hard to believe that it was four months ago that Mathew’s killed himself. Even now I can still remember every detail of the day that we found out. That day as haunted me ever since.
He went to the grave protesting his innocence and the truth of it is he was. Mathew’s did not do it. I did. I was the one that took the money. I was the one that perpetrated the fraud against the company.
I had been desperate for money. I was on the verge of losing the house because I could not afford to keep up the payments. I had been banking on a pay rise to help but it was not going to happen. Do you remember? The company had been going through a bad patch and no one was going to get a pay rise or a bonus that year.
I was desperate and so I came up with the plan. It was very simple really. Submit fake invoices, get Accounts to process them, and then cash the cheques. I remember my nerves the first time that I did it. I am surprised that I did not crack there and then. I was sure that you would have noticed at the time. But you didn’t and I got away with it.
I cannot say that I did not feel guilty about what I had done because I did. However, what choice did I have? I need the money and there was no other way of getting it.
Once business was better and I got that pay rise I did think of stopping. I did think of giving it up. Looking back with hindsight I wish I had. But I did not. After all, it had been a year and I had not been caught.
But I did stop taking the money for myself. I started to make donations to charity with it instead. I think donating the money helped ease my conscience a bit. After all, I was no longer doing it for my benefit. I was doing it for the benefit of others now. I felt like a modern day Robin Hood, stealing from the rich and giving to the poor. I did start feeling good about myself. It is just a shame that it did not last that long.
I had always had a plan in place, just in case my scheme got uncovered. It was never actually meant to be Mathew’s who took the fall. It should have been Johnston. He was perfect for the role of fall guy, especially after how he humiliated you over the Franken fiasco. He deserved to be taken down.
It would have been Johnston if he had not had that heart attack which took him out of the picture. How could he be blamed for something when he was not around?
It was purely by chance that it was Mathew’s that got picked to be the replacement. If he had not gone back to the hotel room with Sandra at the Christmas Party then he might never have been picked. But he did and he was.
It was easy enough to befriend him really, to gain his trust. I think he was desperate to feel wanted. So, the squash games started, and then the nights out. Within a very short space of time I knew his computer password, which is all I ever really wanted from him.
So, when everything got discovered it was easy to plant the evidence on his computer. If only I had known then how it would have played out. If only I had known what would have happened. But I didn’t know and so I framed him.
I felt relieved when he was sacked. I was relieved that it was over with. I was relieved that I had gotten away with it. If only it had lasted.
Mathew’s death hit me hard. After all, I was to blame for it. I was responsible for what happened to him. If I had not done it, if I had not planted the evidence on his computer, then he would have been alive. But I did and he is not.
For four months I have had to live with the knowledge of what I have done. For four months I have had to live with the knowledge that I am responsible for his death. I have lived with this for four months and I cannot live with it any longer.
I am responsible for him taking his life. I am responsible for pulling the trigger. I am responsible for his death. I am responsible and I cannot live with the guilt any longer.
This is why I am going to end it tonight. Now you know the reason. You know the reason why I can no longer go on living with myself, and the reason why I could never have come to you to explain.
I am not sorry for starting the fraud. After all, it was only money. But I am sorry that I continued with it when I did not need to. I am sorry that I framed Mathew’s for it rather than taking responsibility for it myself.
I am sorry that I betrayed your trust. A part of me thinks that I should not be writing this letter, that I should not be explaining it to you. But
I know that I must. I know that you need to know the truth. You need to know what I have done and why I cannot live with the guilt any longer.
I hope that you can forgive me but I understand if you cannot. You deserve to know the truth. What you do with it I leave up to you.
I’m sorry.
David
Tom stared at the last page of the letter. He had no idea what his friend had done. He had no idea what he had been going through. He had no idea the secret that had been slowly eating away at him.
He finished the last of the drink that remained in his glass before going to fix another one, which he quickly downed.
David had always been a good friend to him. He had always been there for him, both at work and away from it. He had always been there when he need him.
Putting the empty glass down, he went over to ash tray that sat on the coffee table and started to tear the letter into little pieces. He dropped the pieces into the ash tray and lit a match, which he dropped on top of them. He watched the paper burn until all that was left was the blackened remains of David’s confession.
He may not have been therefore him at the end, but he could be there for him now.
Wednesday, 25 November 2009
The Unbearable Necessity of Time Constraints
Today I have realised something about myself, which as really come to light in this brave new world of unemployment. I need targets. I need constraints on my time.
When I was working I would always find a way of meeting my work targets and fit in the requirements of my day to day life. However, without the constraints on my time I am finding that I am fitting in less than what I would have done when I was working.
Allowing for an eight hour day at work (including lunch time) and a good eight hours sleep at night, I had eight hours for life. Eight hours to fit in what I needed to do, what I wanted to do. Now I have sixteen hours a day to do what I want, and I am finding that I am doing little with my time.
I was always looking forward forward to having a break from the nine to five after I was made redundant. The idea was to spend this break between jobs to do some of the stuff that I wanted, to concentrate on me. However, I am finding that with all the extra time that I have I am not doing so. I am now approaching the end of month two and I have not done half the things that I wanted to do.
I am reading but not as much as I could. My daily TV watching is just backing up, when I used to be on top of it. I have not been as active over the last couple of weeks, compared to how I was when I first became unemployed. I have written nothing, even though the aim was to do so.
I have realised that I am basically just adrift, wandering like the proverbial cloud. What I need again is constraints upon my time. I need to force myself to do the things that I wanted to do with my time whilst I was between jobs.
And this is what I need to now distill back into my life. I need to set myself targets. I need to focus more on what I wanted to do.
Firstly, I need to become more active again. I had done so well previously with getting rid of some weight but this as now stopped. I need to get back to doing a few hours worth of walking again. I need to get myself out and about earlier than I have been doing. I need to push myself into being more active.
Secondly, I need to pick up the speed on the reading. I am now going to alternate between fiction and non-fiction/academic books. During the day whilst I am out I am going to read a non-fiction book, and one hour every night before bed I am going to read a fiction book.
Thirdly, I need to focus on clearing that backlog of comics that I have to read. I am probably about a month and a half behind. I need to get back on top of this so that I am back to reading the weeks comic buy in the week that I buy them.
Fourthly, I need to start writing. I had an idea for a series of short stories before I finished work. I need to focus on trying to get these stories down on paper (well, computer screen anyway). This might be one of the hardest things to do. I am going to aim to have written the first of the stories within the next two weeks. Hopefully after the first one is done the others will come a lot easier.
Fifthly, I need to really focus on getting the flat sorted. I am not happy with the layout of the rooms and will needed to spend some time moving things around until I am happy. I think this will be best done after my travel pass as run out. Maybe a week of solid focus on this front will get it sorted.
Sixthly, I need to get the TV backlog sorted and stop putting off watching things. This definitely includes the new Prisoner which I need to get up the enthusiasm to watch. By the end of next week this will be done.
So, that is the plan. Six things to do. Six things to put constraints on my time. Six things to focus on. Six things to achieve.
When I was working I would always find a way of meeting my work targets and fit in the requirements of my day to day life. However, without the constraints on my time I am finding that I am fitting in less than what I would have done when I was working.
Allowing for an eight hour day at work (including lunch time) and a good eight hours sleep at night, I had eight hours for life. Eight hours to fit in what I needed to do, what I wanted to do. Now I have sixteen hours a day to do what I want, and I am finding that I am doing little with my time.
I was always looking forward forward to having a break from the nine to five after I was made redundant. The idea was to spend this break between jobs to do some of the stuff that I wanted, to concentrate on me. However, I am finding that with all the extra time that I have I am not doing so. I am now approaching the end of month two and I have not done half the things that I wanted to do.
I am reading but not as much as I could. My daily TV watching is just backing up, when I used to be on top of it. I have not been as active over the last couple of weeks, compared to how I was when I first became unemployed. I have written nothing, even though the aim was to do so.
I have realised that I am basically just adrift, wandering like the proverbial cloud. What I need again is constraints upon my time. I need to force myself to do the things that I wanted to do with my time whilst I was between jobs.
And this is what I need to now distill back into my life. I need to set myself targets. I need to focus more on what I wanted to do.
Firstly, I need to become more active again. I had done so well previously with getting rid of some weight but this as now stopped. I need to get back to doing a few hours worth of walking again. I need to get myself out and about earlier than I have been doing. I need to push myself into being more active.
Secondly, I need to pick up the speed on the reading. I am now going to alternate between fiction and non-fiction/academic books. During the day whilst I am out I am going to read a non-fiction book, and one hour every night before bed I am going to read a fiction book.
Thirdly, I need to focus on clearing that backlog of comics that I have to read. I am probably about a month and a half behind. I need to get back on top of this so that I am back to reading the weeks comic buy in the week that I buy them.
Fourthly, I need to start writing. I had an idea for a series of short stories before I finished work. I need to focus on trying to get these stories down on paper (well, computer screen anyway). This might be one of the hardest things to do. I am going to aim to have written the first of the stories within the next two weeks. Hopefully after the first one is done the others will come a lot easier.
Fifthly, I need to really focus on getting the flat sorted. I am not happy with the layout of the rooms and will needed to spend some time moving things around until I am happy. I think this will be best done after my travel pass as run out. Maybe a week of solid focus on this front will get it sorted.
Sixthly, I need to get the TV backlog sorted and stop putting off watching things. This definitely includes the new Prisoner which I need to get up the enthusiasm to watch. By the end of next week this will be done.
So, that is the plan. Six things to do. Six things to put constraints on my time. Six things to focus on. Six things to achieve.
Tuesday, 24 November 2009
The Aesthetic Duty
To fully understand the Aesthetic Duty it is important to understand what Beauty is, since understanding this leads to the central reason for the Aesthetic Duty.
Beauty is, above everything else, undefinable. What is beautiful to me may not be to the next person. Our relationship with beauty is very much a subjective thing. The important thing is why. Why do you find something beautiful when the next person does not?
Take a work of art as an example. It is possible to break it down into subject matter, the use of colour and shade, the way that the brush stroke captures a scene. It is possible to de-construct the final piece into its constituent parts. But in doing this we do not get to understand why something is beautiful to us. We also do not understand why it is beautiful to us but to someone else it is not.
There is no absolute Form of beauty, in the Platonic sense. There is not some overarching Form from which all beauty is distilled particular examples of. If this was the case then everyone would find the same things beautiful.
Beauty is very much a subjective thing, a very individual reaction to something. No matter the rationale that we place on it, the reaction is personal to ourselves.
The reason for the individualistic reaction to something is because the reaction in question is very much an emotional one. When we find something beautiful we are actually having an emotional response to the thing in question - whether it be a person, an occasion, a work of art.
Emotions are very much a private thing, something which is personal to us. We may share similar emotional responses with other people, but the actual emotional response is very much individual and personal. No two people will have the same exact emotional response to something. We may have a similar broad-category emotional response (like being happy) but the actual response will be different.
When we say something is beautiful we are having a positive emotional response to something, as opposed to a negative/ugly response.
And this is the key to the Aesthetic Duty. Positive emotions are better than negative ones. When we have positive emotions we feel good, as opposed to feeling bad from negative emotions.
It is better to feel good than it is to feel bad. Positive emotions can put a spring in our step, can make our world seem brighter, can give us a positive outlook upon life.
If this is the effect of positive responses to things then it follows that it is important to surround yourself with beauty. Whether it is things, people, places, sounds, smells is unimportant. The important thing is that we are exposed to things that give us positive responses.
Surrounding ourselves with beautiful things means surrounding ourselves with things that give us positive emotions, which in turn make us feel good within.
Sometimes we must be exposed to negative emotions. An everyday example could be our working life. Presuming that we do not get a positive reaction from our working life, then it is important to try and turn it into one. This might be something which we enjoy about our work. It might be something which we can add to the working day which helps us endure the negative. Whatever it is, if we can identify the positive response we can help combat the negative.
The Aesthetic Duty is, therefore, to surround our lives with beautiful things, the things can give us positive emotional responses, which will make us feel good within. It is too easy to put up with the negatives and the things that make us feel bad within. In embracing the beautiful things we can combat this. We can strive to survive the negatives and live a life full of good things. Where possible we need to remove the negative, ugly things in our lives and replace them with beautiful things. Where we cannot do this we must try and find the hidden beauty within it so to try and make the ugly experience as beautiful as possible.
In removing the ugly things from our lives we can start to live a life where we feel good within, rather than having to put up with lives were we feel bad.
Beauty is, above everything else, undefinable. What is beautiful to me may not be to the next person. Our relationship with beauty is very much a subjective thing. The important thing is why. Why do you find something beautiful when the next person does not?
Take a work of art as an example. It is possible to break it down into subject matter, the use of colour and shade, the way that the brush stroke captures a scene. It is possible to de-construct the final piece into its constituent parts. But in doing this we do not get to understand why something is beautiful to us. We also do not understand why it is beautiful to us but to someone else it is not.
There is no absolute Form of beauty, in the Platonic sense. There is not some overarching Form from which all beauty is distilled particular examples of. If this was the case then everyone would find the same things beautiful.
Beauty is very much a subjective thing, a very individual reaction to something. No matter the rationale that we place on it, the reaction is personal to ourselves.
The reason for the individualistic reaction to something is because the reaction in question is very much an emotional one. When we find something beautiful we are actually having an emotional response to the thing in question - whether it be a person, an occasion, a work of art.
Emotions are very much a private thing, something which is personal to us. We may share similar emotional responses with other people, but the actual emotional response is very much individual and personal. No two people will have the same exact emotional response to something. We may have a similar broad-category emotional response (like being happy) but the actual response will be different.
When we say something is beautiful we are having a positive emotional response to something, as opposed to a negative/ugly response.
And this is the key to the Aesthetic Duty. Positive emotions are better than negative ones. When we have positive emotions we feel good, as opposed to feeling bad from negative emotions.
It is better to feel good than it is to feel bad. Positive emotions can put a spring in our step, can make our world seem brighter, can give us a positive outlook upon life.
If this is the effect of positive responses to things then it follows that it is important to surround yourself with beauty. Whether it is things, people, places, sounds, smells is unimportant. The important thing is that we are exposed to things that give us positive responses.
Surrounding ourselves with beautiful things means surrounding ourselves with things that give us positive emotions, which in turn make us feel good within.
Sometimes we must be exposed to negative emotions. An everyday example could be our working life. Presuming that we do not get a positive reaction from our working life, then it is important to try and turn it into one. This might be something which we enjoy about our work. It might be something which we can add to the working day which helps us endure the negative. Whatever it is, if we can identify the positive response we can help combat the negative.
The Aesthetic Duty is, therefore, to surround our lives with beautiful things, the things can give us positive emotional responses, which will make us feel good within. It is too easy to put up with the negatives and the things that make us feel bad within. In embracing the beautiful things we can combat this. We can strive to survive the negatives and live a life full of good things. Where possible we need to remove the negative, ugly things in our lives and replace them with beautiful things. Where we cannot do this we must try and find the hidden beauty within it so to try and make the ugly experience as beautiful as possible.
In removing the ugly things from our lives we can start to live a life where we feel good within, rather than having to put up with lives were we feel bad.
Sunday, 22 November 2009
Return from the rabbit hole
So we have embraced the only Truth that all we can know is that we think, and in doing so we have fallen down the nihilist rabbit hole. How can we function if we can know nothing else but this single truth?
The only way back out of the rabbit hole is through trust. If we continue to deny everything as an illusion then there is no return. We are stuck in a situation where all we can really know is that we think since everything else our senses provide us with can be denied.
We must take, in essence and for lack of better terminology, a leap of faith. We have to trust what our senses tell us. If something looks like a rock, feels like a rock, and smells like a rock then we got to be able to trust that it actually is a rock.
This same level of trust in our senses is what allows us to function in Society. All we can know is our own thoughts and what our senses present us with. We cannot know the thoughts of another. In this way, the Other is closed to us.
But if we cannot know the thoughts of the Other then what can we know of them? This comes from what our senses present us with, what we can deduct from the information gathers. We may not know what the Other is thinking but from their actions we can deduct.
This requires trust. Trust that the actions of the Other, that what the Other is presenting to our senses, is what they are thinking. We deduce from our senses and the information gathered.
But this can only function if the trust is there. We trust the Other to act in a way that is consistent with their thoughts. If the Other acts contrary to these thoughts, and we discover that they are acting contrary to their thoughts, then the trust goes.
When the trust goes, when we start to doubt the Other, then the basis of Civil Society starts to break down. It breaks down because we are left in a situation where only our thoughts can be trusted. We cannot rely on our senses to deduct since their is no trust in the Other. The Other may well be deliberately deceiving our senses. The Other could be trying to make us doubt what we know.
Without the trust that the Other is acting in up-most good faith toward us, that the Other is being honest in the information that they provide us with, we cannot interact with them. We must always remain of the opinion that they are not being honest with us, we cannot have any trust that their actions and their thoughts are in synch.
Just as we must trust our senses so too we must be able to trust the Other. But when we cannot trust the Other then they truly become closed to us, they become unknowable.
To return from the rabbit hole of nihilism we must have trust, because without trust it is impossible to function within the world in general, and within society specifically. With trust in our senses we can honestly hope to deduce true information about the world around us. But we can only deduce correctly if the information presented by the sense is indeed honest information.
We must have trust in our senses, and trust in the Other, because without either we will never leave the nice rabbit hole of our own thought.
The only way back out of the rabbit hole is through trust. If we continue to deny everything as an illusion then there is no return. We are stuck in a situation where all we can really know is that we think since everything else our senses provide us with can be denied.
We must take, in essence and for lack of better terminology, a leap of faith. We have to trust what our senses tell us. If something looks like a rock, feels like a rock, and smells like a rock then we got to be able to trust that it actually is a rock.
This same level of trust in our senses is what allows us to function in Society. All we can know is our own thoughts and what our senses present us with. We cannot know the thoughts of another. In this way, the Other is closed to us.
But if we cannot know the thoughts of the Other then what can we know of them? This comes from what our senses present us with, what we can deduct from the information gathers. We may not know what the Other is thinking but from their actions we can deduct.
This requires trust. Trust that the actions of the Other, that what the Other is presenting to our senses, is what they are thinking. We deduce from our senses and the information gathered.
But this can only function if the trust is there. We trust the Other to act in a way that is consistent with their thoughts. If the Other acts contrary to these thoughts, and we discover that they are acting contrary to their thoughts, then the trust goes.
When the trust goes, when we start to doubt the Other, then the basis of Civil Society starts to break down. It breaks down because we are left in a situation where only our thoughts can be trusted. We cannot rely on our senses to deduct since their is no trust in the Other. The Other may well be deliberately deceiving our senses. The Other could be trying to make us doubt what we know.
Without the trust that the Other is acting in up-most good faith toward us, that the Other is being honest in the information that they provide us with, we cannot interact with them. We must always remain of the opinion that they are not being honest with us, we cannot have any trust that their actions and their thoughts are in synch.
Just as we must trust our senses so too we must be able to trust the Other. But when we cannot trust the Other then they truly become closed to us, they become unknowable.
To return from the rabbit hole of nihilism we must have trust, because without trust it is impossible to function within the world in general, and within society specifically. With trust in our senses we can honestly hope to deduce true information about the world around us. But we can only deduce correctly if the information presented by the sense is indeed honest information.
We must have trust in our senses, and trust in the Other, because without either we will never leave the nice rabbit hole of our own thought.
Saturday, 21 November 2009
The only knowable Truth.
In the classic thought experiment of Rene Descartes it is argued, through the use of a Grand Deceiver, that the only thing that we can truly know is that we think. I think, therefore I am. Everything else can be denied as being the work of the Grand Deceiver. The only thing that we cannot deny is that we think.
This is indeed very true. As individuals, all we can know is ourselves and nothing else. Our experiences with the world around us is through our senses, on which we rely to function in the world. We have five in total and through the information we gather from these senses we interpret the world that we inhabit.
But how much can we rely upon these senses? We might have a condition like colour blindness which means that we will doubt certain information that our sight presents us with. We might be deaf, at which point we gain no information from our hearing at all. In these cases, we discount the information (or lack of it) and compensate accordingly.
But what if we do not have such a deficiency in our senses? What if we feel we are able to rely upon them? What happens if we are told that what our senses are telling us is wrong?
This is a difficult position to be in. If we are told that one of our senses is giving wrong information then we can fall back onto medical science to have it checked. Could it not be that there is a deficiency in that sense that we do not know about? This will lead us into a situation where we can correct the information from this sense in future situations.
The situation is more complicated when we are told that in a situation two of our senses have failed us. Our senses are, in essence, independent of each other. Each one gives us different information, from which we build our picture of the world. If one of these senses fails us in a given situation then we have the other four to rely upon. But if two of the five fails us then what then?
How is it possible to function in the world when we cannot rely upon these two senses that, up to that point, we have always been able to rely upon? We have never had cause to doubt them before. They have always provided us with reliable information up to that point. Or have they?
And this is the problem. Doubt. Doubting of the information that we have received. If we cannot rely upon this information then where are we? We are back where we started. All we can know is that we think and that is it. We cannot rely upon anything else since our senses may well be deceiving us.
We know that we think, and that is all. We can only know our own thoughts and nothing else. Everything else can be denied. Nothing else can be trusted to be true.
The only truth in the world is that we think. Everything else is just interpretation. An opinion. A viewpoint. Nothing more.
No matter what happens in our lives, we must always be truly alone. It is the only thing that can be known. The only thing that can be held to be true.
I think, therefore I am, and nothing more.
This is indeed very true. As individuals, all we can know is ourselves and nothing else. Our experiences with the world around us is through our senses, on which we rely to function in the world. We have five in total and through the information we gather from these senses we interpret the world that we inhabit.
But how much can we rely upon these senses? We might have a condition like colour blindness which means that we will doubt certain information that our sight presents us with. We might be deaf, at which point we gain no information from our hearing at all. In these cases, we discount the information (or lack of it) and compensate accordingly.
But what if we do not have such a deficiency in our senses? What if we feel we are able to rely upon them? What happens if we are told that what our senses are telling us is wrong?
This is a difficult position to be in. If we are told that one of our senses is giving wrong information then we can fall back onto medical science to have it checked. Could it not be that there is a deficiency in that sense that we do not know about? This will lead us into a situation where we can correct the information from this sense in future situations.
The situation is more complicated when we are told that in a situation two of our senses have failed us. Our senses are, in essence, independent of each other. Each one gives us different information, from which we build our picture of the world. If one of these senses fails us in a given situation then we have the other four to rely upon. But if two of the five fails us then what then?
How is it possible to function in the world when we cannot rely upon these two senses that, up to that point, we have always been able to rely upon? We have never had cause to doubt them before. They have always provided us with reliable information up to that point. Or have they?
And this is the problem. Doubt. Doubting of the information that we have received. If we cannot rely upon this information then where are we? We are back where we started. All we can know is that we think and that is it. We cannot rely upon anything else since our senses may well be deceiving us.
We know that we think, and that is all. We can only know our own thoughts and nothing else. Everything else can be denied. Nothing else can be trusted to be true.
The only truth in the world is that we think. Everything else is just interpretation. An opinion. A viewpoint. Nothing more.
No matter what happens in our lives, we must always be truly alone. It is the only thing that can be known. The only thing that can be held to be true.
I think, therefore I am, and nothing more.
Friday, 20 November 2009
Everything old is new again
There seems to be a trend these days in the world of TV to reinvent/reboot/re-imagine the classic shows of old for a modern audience. This usually means a more glossy portrayal with better production values and effects. This also usually meets with cries that our childhoods are being raped and that the premise of the original series is being betrayed.
A good example of where this as been done well would be the recent Battlestar Galactica series. Visually, this series outstripped the original series. But in addition to this was the way it approached the story. Instead of the standalone/double-parters of the the original narrative there was an over-arching story arc. The new BSG was very much an ongoing saga, a journey following the rag tag fugitive fleet's quest to find Earth. I personally found it to be a very rewarding series.
A good example of where old and new collides would be the new Doctor Who. It is very much more stylish. The original format as been ditched in favour of stand alone episodes that form an overarching narrative which pays of with the finale. However, opinion is very much split. There are those who hate the Nu Who because it is not the old. There are those who are just fans of Nu Who and cannot stand the "slowness" of the four-part episode format of old.
For me, my heart will always belong to old Who because it was the programme of my childhood. I grew up with it. However, I can still enjoy Nu Who for what it is - which is very much entertainment. I find the episodes a joy to watch, including those that are traditionally panned by "fandom" (then again, I also enjoy Time and the Rani so what do I know).
When I look at the debate that rages within Whodom over the new series I sometimes think that some people are missing the point. For me, Nu Who is not written for me. I am not the target audience. Nu Who is targeted to the 10 years old of today, just as classic Who was targeted to the 10 year olds of my generation. I feel lucky that I am able to enjoy it for what it is. I find it entertaining. But I also remember that it is the modern generation, the 10 year olds of today, who it belongs to.
It is just the same with the other revivals. Knight Rider, 90210, Melrose Place, the new V. These are all shows for a new audience, and they are not for the audience of old. I think this is why I like the term re-imagining to describe them. They are taking the original premise and giving it a new spin, a modern spin, for hopefully a new audience to enjoy.
Now, I am concerned with this at the moment for a reason. I firmly believe in what I have said. These re-imaginings are not written with me in mind. Yes, I enjoyed the originals but these new shows are for the present generation, and I hope that they will enjoy their version of the shows as much as I enjoyed the originals.
However, there is something that I have waiting for me to watch. It is a series that as been re-imagined. It is a TV show that the words iconic, cult, and classic were made for. I am talking about Prisoner. The original was just a thing of beauty, and if you have not seen it then I heartedly recommend it. It is thought provoking. Actually, it is very thought provoking. I also consider it to be perfection in itself. I cannot understand why there was a need for it to be re-imagined.
So, I very much expect that when I watch it at some point this week I am going to be screaming at the screen that my childhood as been raped. I do not have high hopes for the "televisual event". I cannot see how it can live up to the original in any way, shape, or form. But, I am going to give it a go. I might be surprised. It might actually capture the essence of the original. It might capture the spirit and soul. I really hope that it does and that I am proved wrong. But if not I must remember that it is a new show, for a new audience,just using a premise from a TV show that I enjoyed in my youth.
A good example of where this as been done well would be the recent Battlestar Galactica series. Visually, this series outstripped the original series. But in addition to this was the way it approached the story. Instead of the standalone/double-parters of the the original narrative there was an over-arching story arc. The new BSG was very much an ongoing saga, a journey following the rag tag fugitive fleet's quest to find Earth. I personally found it to be a very rewarding series.
A good example of where old and new collides would be the new Doctor Who. It is very much more stylish. The original format as been ditched in favour of stand alone episodes that form an overarching narrative which pays of with the finale. However, opinion is very much split. There are those who hate the Nu Who because it is not the old. There are those who are just fans of Nu Who and cannot stand the "slowness" of the four-part episode format of old.
For me, my heart will always belong to old Who because it was the programme of my childhood. I grew up with it. However, I can still enjoy Nu Who for what it is - which is very much entertainment. I find the episodes a joy to watch, including those that are traditionally panned by "fandom" (then again, I also enjoy Time and the Rani so what do I know).
When I look at the debate that rages within Whodom over the new series I sometimes think that some people are missing the point. For me, Nu Who is not written for me. I am not the target audience. Nu Who is targeted to the 10 years old of today, just as classic Who was targeted to the 10 year olds of my generation. I feel lucky that I am able to enjoy it for what it is. I find it entertaining. But I also remember that it is the modern generation, the 10 year olds of today, who it belongs to.
It is just the same with the other revivals. Knight Rider, 90210, Melrose Place, the new V. These are all shows for a new audience, and they are not for the audience of old. I think this is why I like the term re-imagining to describe them. They are taking the original premise and giving it a new spin, a modern spin, for hopefully a new audience to enjoy.
Now, I am concerned with this at the moment for a reason. I firmly believe in what I have said. These re-imaginings are not written with me in mind. Yes, I enjoyed the originals but these new shows are for the present generation, and I hope that they will enjoy their version of the shows as much as I enjoyed the originals.
However, there is something that I have waiting for me to watch. It is a series that as been re-imagined. It is a TV show that the words iconic, cult, and classic were made for. I am talking about Prisoner. The original was just a thing of beauty, and if you have not seen it then I heartedly recommend it. It is thought provoking. Actually, it is very thought provoking. I also consider it to be perfection in itself. I cannot understand why there was a need for it to be re-imagined.
So, I very much expect that when I watch it at some point this week I am going to be screaming at the screen that my childhood as been raped. I do not have high hopes for the "televisual event". I cannot see how it can live up to the original in any way, shape, or form. But, I am going to give it a go. I might be surprised. It might actually capture the essence of the original. It might capture the spirit and soul. I really hope that it does and that I am proved wrong. But if not I must remember that it is a new show, for a new audience,just using a premise from a TV show that I enjoyed in my youth.
Thursday, 19 November 2009
Mid-week Catch Up
Well, this should be fun. I am conscious that I have not written anything in a while but I also do not know what to write. I do not have anything specific to say or an agenda to layout. But I also feel that I should really be writing something.
Shall we see where this goes?
So, last weekend saw me in Newcastle attending a DW Convention. It was a good weekend, spent in fine company, and involving some rather nice alcohol as well. I have only done one convention this year because of everything that was happening with work and I was glad that I did it. It was slightly weird in that not many of the usual crowd were present. But this was good also since it meant that I had to socialise outside of my comfort zone, so to speak. It is always nice to meet new people.
I also bought some stuff whilst I was there as well. I have finally righted a long standing social wrong and purchased both of Anneke Wills's books - Self Portrait and Naked. I am looking forward to reading these for two reasons. Firstly, Anneke is a wonderful lady and I am interested in her story. Secondly, I do not normally do autobiographies, or even biographies for that matter, preferring fiction instead. So, I am hoping that these books will make a wonderful introduction into the world of non-academic non-fiction.
I also purchased "Love songs for the shy and cynical" by Robert Shearman. From what I have read so far I am very impressed by it but I will save a review of it until I have finished the entire book.
I also purchased two of the three Big Finish Short Trips that contain stories by a friend of mine. It as definitely taken me ages to get round to picking them up and I look forward to letting him know that I have finally done it.
After such a lovely weekend, this week as been a bit of a downer. Over the last two weeks I have been up for three different jobs. Yesterday I found out that I am not getting a second interview for a job that I should have been a guaranteed second interview for. We have been given a reason, which both me and my agent agree is a bit of a sham excuse, but it as knocked me for six really. Of all the three jobs I have been for this one should have been a guaranteed offer. Not really know why it as not happened and I am sure that someday I will find out why it was the case. Life is like that. So, of the three I have only one more outstanding. Interview was on Tuesday and I am rather positive about both the interview and the role itself. The role sounds very exciting and so I am keeping my fingers crossed.
Nothing else really to report. Had a nice shopping trip to Manchesterford yesterday which resulted in some DVDs being purchased (including but not limited to the complete Thunderbirds box-set reduced from £125 to £20. Bargain city). I'm also presently reading a book called "Teach Yourself Nietzsche". I realised the other week that my academic career kind of skipped his work so this is my way of trying to get, as a minimum, and overview of his work and philosophy. I am thinking of reading at least one of his works as well, and I am presently leaning toward Beyond Good and Evil but I will make up my final mind when I have got the overview.
So, for now, I shall sign off and will hopefully have something less mundane to blog about next time.
Shall we see where this goes?
So, last weekend saw me in Newcastle attending a DW Convention. It was a good weekend, spent in fine company, and involving some rather nice alcohol as well. I have only done one convention this year because of everything that was happening with work and I was glad that I did it. It was slightly weird in that not many of the usual crowd were present. But this was good also since it meant that I had to socialise outside of my comfort zone, so to speak. It is always nice to meet new people.
I also bought some stuff whilst I was there as well. I have finally righted a long standing social wrong and purchased both of Anneke Wills's books - Self Portrait and Naked. I am looking forward to reading these for two reasons. Firstly, Anneke is a wonderful lady and I am interested in her story. Secondly, I do not normally do autobiographies, or even biographies for that matter, preferring fiction instead. So, I am hoping that these books will make a wonderful introduction into the world of non-academic non-fiction.
I also purchased "Love songs for the shy and cynical" by Robert Shearman. From what I have read so far I am very impressed by it but I will save a review of it until I have finished the entire book.
I also purchased two of the three Big Finish Short Trips that contain stories by a friend of mine. It as definitely taken me ages to get round to picking them up and I look forward to letting him know that I have finally done it.
After such a lovely weekend, this week as been a bit of a downer. Over the last two weeks I have been up for three different jobs. Yesterday I found out that I am not getting a second interview for a job that I should have been a guaranteed second interview for. We have been given a reason, which both me and my agent agree is a bit of a sham excuse, but it as knocked me for six really. Of all the three jobs I have been for this one should have been a guaranteed offer. Not really know why it as not happened and I am sure that someday I will find out why it was the case. Life is like that. So, of the three I have only one more outstanding. Interview was on Tuesday and I am rather positive about both the interview and the role itself. The role sounds very exciting and so I am keeping my fingers crossed.
Nothing else really to report. Had a nice shopping trip to Manchesterford yesterday which resulted in some DVDs being purchased (including but not limited to the complete Thunderbirds box-set reduced from £125 to £20. Bargain city). I'm also presently reading a book called "Teach Yourself Nietzsche". I realised the other week that my academic career kind of skipped his work so this is my way of trying to get, as a minimum, and overview of his work and philosophy. I am thinking of reading at least one of his works as well, and I am presently leaning toward Beyond Good and Evil but I will make up my final mind when I have got the overview.
So, for now, I shall sign off and will hopefully have something less mundane to blog about next time.
Thursday, 12 November 2009
V (2009)
Last week saw the launch of the re-imagining and updating of V, the classic early 80's mini series, on American TV.
The premise of the original series was very simple. Aliens arrive offering peace and hope but with sinister motives. It is a story of resistance, as a rag-tag team of humans fight against the alien "invasion".
The original mini series, whilst very good, was definitely a product of its time and based firmly in the tradition of fear. There is the fear of the things that are not like us, of ways of doing things that are different to our own. Different philosophies, different cultures. Or to put it in the traditional way, fear of Communism.
For me, this is what the original V was about. The hidden menace of Communism. Communists can look like us but believe in things alien to us, and to work toward their own ends which are fundamentally opposed to our own. This is very much a 50's view but it does seem to resonate in the original series.
But that was then. We are now in 2009 and Communism was defeated by Capitalism. The Soviet Union collapsed and the Berlin Wall came crumbling down.
The new V is very stylish in design, but the basis of the original series is still there. We have the Visitors coming in peace and offering technological advancement in return for some natural resources which we have in abundance. The Visitors look like us, albeit very attractive, but we also know as an audience that beneath that attractive exterior lies something truly alien in nature.
The new series also works on the paranoia that was present in the original series, but just updated for a modern generation. In the first episode there are a lot of reveals. One of the chief ones is that The Visitors have not just arrived but they have been here for a while, working in the background and positioning themselves into position within Society.
It is this that leads to the paranoia. If this Visitors can look like us then who can you trust? If you do not know who you trust then all you can do is trust no one.
One of the main players on the human team is Erica, an FBI agent and therefore very much part of the establishment. However, from what she learns in the first episode she goes very much from being part of the establishment to being a loner within the machine, unable to trust anyone in case that person should turn out to be a Visitor in disguise.
Like BSG before it, the new V is not just a redoing of the original series. It takes the toolbox of the original series but it then puts a spin on it so that it fits into the modern world. Just like the original mini series was a product of its time, so the new series is a product of our times.
It will be interesting to see where it goes from here but I do think that we will be in for an enjoyable ride with it.
The premise of the original series was very simple. Aliens arrive offering peace and hope but with sinister motives. It is a story of resistance, as a rag-tag team of humans fight against the alien "invasion".
The original mini series, whilst very good, was definitely a product of its time and based firmly in the tradition of fear. There is the fear of the things that are not like us, of ways of doing things that are different to our own. Different philosophies, different cultures. Or to put it in the traditional way, fear of Communism.
For me, this is what the original V was about. The hidden menace of Communism. Communists can look like us but believe in things alien to us, and to work toward their own ends which are fundamentally opposed to our own. This is very much a 50's view but it does seem to resonate in the original series.
But that was then. We are now in 2009 and Communism was defeated by Capitalism. The Soviet Union collapsed and the Berlin Wall came crumbling down.
The new V is very stylish in design, but the basis of the original series is still there. We have the Visitors coming in peace and offering technological advancement in return for some natural resources which we have in abundance. The Visitors look like us, albeit very attractive, but we also know as an audience that beneath that attractive exterior lies something truly alien in nature.
The new series also works on the paranoia that was present in the original series, but just updated for a modern generation. In the first episode there are a lot of reveals. One of the chief ones is that The Visitors have not just arrived but they have been here for a while, working in the background and positioning themselves into position within Society.
It is this that leads to the paranoia. If this Visitors can look like us then who can you trust? If you do not know who you trust then all you can do is trust no one.
One of the main players on the human team is Erica, an FBI agent and therefore very much part of the establishment. However, from what she learns in the first episode she goes very much from being part of the establishment to being a loner within the machine, unable to trust anyone in case that person should turn out to be a Visitor in disguise.
Like BSG before it, the new V is not just a redoing of the original series. It takes the toolbox of the original series but it then puts a spin on it so that it fits into the modern world. Just like the original mini series was a product of its time, so the new series is a product of our times.
It will be interesting to see where it goes from here but I do think that we will be in for an enjoyable ride with it.
Who am I?
Another night time approaches when I should be preparing for bed but yet again I am feeling too wired to drift off to sleep. Sadly, this time I know the reason why.
I came to a realisation today about myself, and it is a realisation that I am not really happy with.
I used to be a very forgiving person. It was once commented by someone that was, at one point, rather close to be (or so I thought at the time) that I was like the Mother in the American QAF. There was a time when I would forgive anyone virtually anything. Forever forgiving of whatever trespass was made against me. I would just forgive and forget, and then move on as if nothing had happened.
Sadly, I do not think that I am that sort of person anymore. Maybe it is because I have been portrayed too many times in my life by people who I considered friends. People who held a special place in my life, people who I would do anything within my power for.
I was never really a man of means, but if I could I would try and help people out. Unfortunately, time and time again I was slapped in the face. I suppose, when you have been hurt too many time, when you have had your friendship thrown back in your face, you do become less forgiving.
And this is the depressing part for me. I never wanted to be this sort of person. I was happy being the forgiving sort, the sort of person who would forgive thoughtless actions and the self-centred nature of others.
Maybe it is just because the trust that I would freely place in people, a trust that they would treat me with the same level of respect that I treat them with, as been misplaced too many times in the past.
I have known for a while now that I find it hard to trust people, and that I try to keep myself safe by guarding myself from others. This is also something that I never wanted to be but this is where I find myself at this time in my life.
If I was being honest with myself I know that this is the reason why I have chosen to remain single for so long. Yeah, there have been opportunities in the past when I could have attempted to build a relationship. But I have held back, mainly because I do not want to be hurt by someone who is close to me, someone that I have grown to love and care for.
I am reminded of Mary Sunshine from Chicago the Musical. She would see "a little bit of good in everyone" and this is definitely something that I would do. However, in doing this I would allow myself to become blinded to that persons self-centred agendas. Maybe it is because I used to be so self-less that I never saw that others were just looking after themselves and their own self-interests.
It is probably wrong that when I meet someone who shows an interest in me and my life that my thought is about what their agenda is - what it is that they want from me. I am not sure when I stopped thinking that people would just want to know me for who I am - no edge, no hidden agenda.
Maybe I never did think that in the first place, after all that would mean accepting that I was someone special rather than someone that just had something that someone else wanted. It is not without reason that I usually refer to myself as being "just this guy, you know". I am nothing special, and if people say that I am I just do not see it.
There are so many people who are better than me. If I was to go through aspects that are me I would no doubt point to an handful of people who are better than me. I do not excel at what I do. I am just me, just this guy.
Something happened today, something which I am not going to go into details about, and this event as sparked a chain of thought which leads me to where I am now - the realisation that I am no longer the person what I was, no longer the person that I liked myself being, no longer the person who could easily forgive transgressions again me.
This is not a place that I like to be and I know that I need to turn this situation around. I just hope that it is possible to do so. I hope that it is possible to trust again. I hope that it is possible to get back my faith in the kindness of others. I hope it is possible to learn to forgive the slights from others who only seem interested in their own desires, their own agendas. I hope it is possible to learn to love again, even if this means that I leave myself open to hurt.
It is that time again, that Desperate Hour that I mentioned yesterday. I just hope that sleep will not be a strangers for much longer because I need to start processing the day rather than just allowing myself to dwell on those events.
I came to a realisation today about myself, and it is a realisation that I am not really happy with.
I used to be a very forgiving person. It was once commented by someone that was, at one point, rather close to be (or so I thought at the time) that I was like the Mother in the American QAF. There was a time when I would forgive anyone virtually anything. Forever forgiving of whatever trespass was made against me. I would just forgive and forget, and then move on as if nothing had happened.
Sadly, I do not think that I am that sort of person anymore. Maybe it is because I have been portrayed too many times in my life by people who I considered friends. People who held a special place in my life, people who I would do anything within my power for.
I was never really a man of means, but if I could I would try and help people out. Unfortunately, time and time again I was slapped in the face. I suppose, when you have been hurt too many time, when you have had your friendship thrown back in your face, you do become less forgiving.
And this is the depressing part for me. I never wanted to be this sort of person. I was happy being the forgiving sort, the sort of person who would forgive thoughtless actions and the self-centred nature of others.
Maybe it is just because the trust that I would freely place in people, a trust that they would treat me with the same level of respect that I treat them with, as been misplaced too many times in the past.
I have known for a while now that I find it hard to trust people, and that I try to keep myself safe by guarding myself from others. This is also something that I never wanted to be but this is where I find myself at this time in my life.
If I was being honest with myself I know that this is the reason why I have chosen to remain single for so long. Yeah, there have been opportunities in the past when I could have attempted to build a relationship. But I have held back, mainly because I do not want to be hurt by someone who is close to me, someone that I have grown to love and care for.
I am reminded of Mary Sunshine from Chicago the Musical. She would see "a little bit of good in everyone" and this is definitely something that I would do. However, in doing this I would allow myself to become blinded to that persons self-centred agendas. Maybe it is because I used to be so self-less that I never saw that others were just looking after themselves and their own self-interests.
It is probably wrong that when I meet someone who shows an interest in me and my life that my thought is about what their agenda is - what it is that they want from me. I am not sure when I stopped thinking that people would just want to know me for who I am - no edge, no hidden agenda.
Maybe I never did think that in the first place, after all that would mean accepting that I was someone special rather than someone that just had something that someone else wanted. It is not without reason that I usually refer to myself as being "just this guy, you know". I am nothing special, and if people say that I am I just do not see it.
There are so many people who are better than me. If I was to go through aspects that are me I would no doubt point to an handful of people who are better than me. I do not excel at what I do. I am just me, just this guy.
Something happened today, something which I am not going to go into details about, and this event as sparked a chain of thought which leads me to where I am now - the realisation that I am no longer the person what I was, no longer the person that I liked myself being, no longer the person who could easily forgive transgressions again me.
This is not a place that I like to be and I know that I need to turn this situation around. I just hope that it is possible to do so. I hope that it is possible to trust again. I hope that it is possible to get back my faith in the kindness of others. I hope it is possible to learn to forgive the slights from others who only seem interested in their own desires, their own agendas. I hope it is possible to learn to love again, even if this means that I leave myself open to hurt.
It is that time again, that Desperate Hour that I mentioned yesterday. I just hope that sleep will not be a strangers for much longer because I need to start processing the day rather than just allowing myself to dwell on those events.
Wednesday, 11 November 2009
That Dangerous Hour
Well, it is coming up to 01:45 in the morning and my brain is wired, so wired that I cannot not sleep. This is never a good thing.
I used to refer to this as "The Dangerous Hour", and with very good reason. It is that hour where the majority of your peers are asleep, where silence descends all around you, and you are left with your thoughts. And that is the dangerous part.
Have you ever let your mind just wander? To just drift from one thing to another? Have you ever dared to see where such thought experiments can lead you? It is something that I have always been wary of now for a while, just laying in bed in silence and allowing my mind to wonder aimlessly like the proverbial cloud.
I do not mind it doing it via dreams since that is just the processing of the daily events, the endless sorting and arranging and the putting together of patterns unseen. Dreaming can be a wonderful process mechanism.
I have, for a while now, always avoided "The Dangerous Hour". In fact, my sleep pattern is usually very good, with sweet oblivion embracing me very quickly once my head hits the pillow. If I need a little encouragement then I will read, or listen to some music. It usually works.
But not tonight. Tonight I know that whilst the body may well be willing, my mind remains wired.
And it would be tonight. Tomorrow (well I say tomorrow as a matter of habit since I clearly mean today) is going to be a busy day. I allowed myself a day of rest today, a day of doing nothing, to help recharge the batteries, and moved some of the stuff that I could have done today onto tomorrow.
Tomorrow I need to purchase some luggage for Friday. I need to do washing so that I can pack on Thursday in preparation for Newcastle this weekend. I am then meeting friends for possibly a light shop (I am thinking maybe some jumpers), coffee, and fine conversation and company. I know it does not seem like much but I was hoping for an early start so that I could spread it out over the day.
But it is now nearly two o'clock and still no sign of sleep coming to me. Still my mind wants to race away. Maybe I should let it. See where it leads me, what dangerous ground it wants to cover during this early hour.
I should apologise for rambling so. I know that this is probably not an entertaining read. Have you even got to this part of the post? I personally would not blame you if you have already given up by now.
Well, I am going to return to my bed and hope for oblivion to arrive quickly. Maybe it will and I will awake refreshed in six hours time, ready to face the day and get done what needs to be done.
Who knows.
Like the saying goes, only time will tell.
I used to refer to this as "The Dangerous Hour", and with very good reason. It is that hour where the majority of your peers are asleep, where silence descends all around you, and you are left with your thoughts. And that is the dangerous part.
Have you ever let your mind just wander? To just drift from one thing to another? Have you ever dared to see where such thought experiments can lead you? It is something that I have always been wary of now for a while, just laying in bed in silence and allowing my mind to wonder aimlessly like the proverbial cloud.
I do not mind it doing it via dreams since that is just the processing of the daily events, the endless sorting and arranging and the putting together of patterns unseen. Dreaming can be a wonderful process mechanism.
I have, for a while now, always avoided "The Dangerous Hour". In fact, my sleep pattern is usually very good, with sweet oblivion embracing me very quickly once my head hits the pillow. If I need a little encouragement then I will read, or listen to some music. It usually works.
But not tonight. Tonight I know that whilst the body may well be willing, my mind remains wired.
And it would be tonight. Tomorrow (well I say tomorrow as a matter of habit since I clearly mean today) is going to be a busy day. I allowed myself a day of rest today, a day of doing nothing, to help recharge the batteries, and moved some of the stuff that I could have done today onto tomorrow.
Tomorrow I need to purchase some luggage for Friday. I need to do washing so that I can pack on Thursday in preparation for Newcastle this weekend. I am then meeting friends for possibly a light shop (I am thinking maybe some jumpers), coffee, and fine conversation and company. I know it does not seem like much but I was hoping for an early start so that I could spread it out over the day.
But it is now nearly two o'clock and still no sign of sleep coming to me. Still my mind wants to race away. Maybe I should let it. See where it leads me, what dangerous ground it wants to cover during this early hour.
I should apologise for rambling so. I know that this is probably not an entertaining read. Have you even got to this part of the post? I personally would not blame you if you have already given up by now.
Well, I am going to return to my bed and hope for oblivion to arrive quickly. Maybe it will and I will awake refreshed in six hours time, ready to face the day and get done what needs to be done.
Who knows.
Like the saying goes, only time will tell.
Sunday, 8 November 2009
The Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre
I have just got back from the Lass O'Gowrie where they were holding their monthly comedy night.
It was a fairly enjoyable night. The first comedian was rather good, with a blend of observational humour with a rather intellectual bent to it. The second act was a rather standard "over weight bloke takes piss out of himself" comedian, which seemed to me to be an almost male Jo Brand. Third up was Charlie Ross, who I have seen several times at conventions up and down the country. It was nice to see the linking material that is usually not included in his convention turn, and so it was nice to see a more rounded routine this time.
Last up, and the subject of this entry, was The Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre. Now, how to describe this act. It is basically a classic double act, that happens to be sock puppets. And it was hilarious. I cannot remember the last time that I have laughed so much and for such a sustained period of time.
The sock puppets bitch at each other, and also perform songs (with hilarious effect). The humour had topical content which is always good to see since it means that the act is being kept fresh and up to date. We were also treated to a tribute to musicals, including hilarious results from the audience suggestions of musicals to do.
The comic genius behind The Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre is Kev Sutherland. Looking back on the experience I can only marvel at the way that he performed a very well written routine. It takes a special talent to not only get two sock puppets to act like a double act, but to also deliver the split second banter on top of that was nothing short of amazing.
If you ever get the chance to experience them live then I heartedly recommend it. I doubt that you will be disappointed.
If you are not able to see them, then check out the Tube of You which as some very funny takes on certain genre tv shows.
It was a fairly enjoyable night. The first comedian was rather good, with a blend of observational humour with a rather intellectual bent to it. The second act was a rather standard "over weight bloke takes piss out of himself" comedian, which seemed to me to be an almost male Jo Brand. Third up was Charlie Ross, who I have seen several times at conventions up and down the country. It was nice to see the linking material that is usually not included in his convention turn, and so it was nice to see a more rounded routine this time.
Last up, and the subject of this entry, was The Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre. Now, how to describe this act. It is basically a classic double act, that happens to be sock puppets. And it was hilarious. I cannot remember the last time that I have laughed so much and for such a sustained period of time.
The sock puppets bitch at each other, and also perform songs (with hilarious effect). The humour had topical content which is always good to see since it means that the act is being kept fresh and up to date. We were also treated to a tribute to musicals, including hilarious results from the audience suggestions of musicals to do.
The comic genius behind The Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre is Kev Sutherland. Looking back on the experience I can only marvel at the way that he performed a very well written routine. It takes a special talent to not only get two sock puppets to act like a double act, but to also deliver the split second banter on top of that was nothing short of amazing.
If you ever get the chance to experience them live then I heartedly recommend it. I doubt that you will be disappointed.
If you are not able to see them, then check out the Tube of You which as some very funny takes on certain genre tv shows.
Friday, 6 November 2009
Favourite Things
Sorry for the delay in posting another entry. The last couple of weeks have been spent preparing for an undergoing the interview process in my continuing search for another job.
At my first interview this week, the topic turned to some of my favourite things and I thought that I would share them with you. Now, this is not going to be an exhaustive list of things but more of an indication.
Favourite Book
This is a relatively easy one to answer. The book in question is The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. I still have on my book shelf the 1979 First Edition that cost me £1.95 at the time that it was published. The book is sadly not in the best condition but this is mainly because it as, over the years, been well read many many times.
Douglas Adam's writing style made it very easy for me, as an eight year old, to read the book. It almost felt like the book was talking to me, a gift that comes from the almost conversational style to his writing.
But this is nothing compared to the humour contained within the book. Sometimes playful, sometimes satirical, sometimes bizarre, and sometimes very cutting indeed. A book that starts off by talking about "an utterly insignificant little blue green planet who ape-descendants are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea" very mush impacted on me, especially since I was wearing the Casio digital watch that I had got as a present and thought was the height of cool.
I can still, to this day, recognise the impact that this piece of fiction had upon my life. It definitely informed by sense of humour, as much as Monty Pythons Flying Circus and The Goons Show did. It also informed the way that I view the world, and the bizarreness of normal everyday things if seen from a different angle.
If you have never picked up the book then I would seriously recommended it. Whilst it is a trilogy in five parts (or even six parts if you include the recent release of Eoin Colfer's And Another Thing which I am in the process of reading at the moment), for me the first part will always remain the best. I doubt that anything will ever trump this book in my eyes, and I very much expect that it will have a special place in my heart until the day I do, or the Earth gets blown up to make way for an intergalactic bypass - whichever comes first.
Favourite Film
Unlike favourite book, this is not as easy since I have a handful of films from different genres which I adore and can watch over and over again. But if I was to pick one film as my favourite of all time it would probably be the 1985 release Clue.
The film is on the face of it just a comedy inspired by the board game Cluedo. It is directed by Jonathan Lynn, who also wrote the script with John Landis, and starring people like Tim Curry, Eileen Brennan, Lesley Ann Warren, Christopher Lloyd, and Madeline Khan.
I think the greatness of this movie comes from the well written script and the performances delivered by all the cast. The comedy itself is a cross between the visual humour of slap stick and a cleaver use of the English Language. Above everything, it is the quick fire banter between the characters that really attracts me to this movie since this is the sort of humour that I like. However, it is more than just quick fire humour, it is also very cleaver humour. An example would be the following exchange, which is also one of my favourites:
Mrs. White: I don't want a scandal, do I? We had had a very humiliating public confrontation. He was deranged. He was a lunatic! He didn't actually seem to like me very much; he had threatened to kill me in public.
Miss Scarlet: Why would he wanna kill you in public?
Wadsworth: I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her.
This sort of word play appeals to my sense of humour very much, and when added to the comedic influences mentioned early when I was talking about HHGTTG earlier possibly explains my own sense of humour a lot.
Clue was, by all accounts, not well received when it was released and I personally have to thank a wet Sunday afternoon TV showing for my exposure to the film. Needless to say, the next time it was shown I made sure that there was a videotape in the recorder.
Clue is one of those films that I love to pass on to other people, people who I feel will appreciate the humour. I suppose we all have a similar film in our collection. The film that we want other people to enjoy as much as we do.
Favourite TV Series
To those that know me well this will not come as a surprise. I do like a lot of different types of television programmes, but there is one show that will always be special to me. It is a show that as been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. The show in question is Doctor Who. You may have heard of it. It kind of made a bit of a come back in 2005 to a lot of critical acclaim.
Now, I do not mind the new Who that is released and I will still try and arrange to be in front of a TV for when it airs. However, my true love is the classic series that ran from 1963 until the BBC decided to "rest it" in 1989.
As a child growing up, the appeal that Doctor Who had was that every story was different. The format meant that after four weeks a new story would begin, and this story was usually completely different to the one that came before. You could have a horror story, followed by a murder mystery, followed by a spy adventure. The possibilities were endless.
Then there is the Doctor himself, the hero of our story. For me, Tom Baker will always be my Doctor. He was the one that I grew up with, and would settle down and watch on a Saturday night. I am sure that the children of today will feel towards David Tennant just how I feel towards Tom.
Now, Doctor Who for me was never a social thing. It was just me and the television screen, just me and the Doctor. Even now, I have a slight problem watching the show with other people. It is hard to explain why really. I suppose it is because it was always something that I did alone. Sure, before my first portable television, I watched it with family. But considering that I spent most of the time hiding behind a cushion I would not class it as being a very social experience.
These days I do not watch as much Doctor Who as I should. I go through periods when I will watch a few stories over the space of the week. And then sometimes, I can go months without. However, I always know that it is there if I want to just escape for a couple of hours.
At my first interview this week, the topic turned to some of my favourite things and I thought that I would share them with you. Now, this is not going to be an exhaustive list of things but more of an indication.
Favourite Book
This is a relatively easy one to answer. The book in question is The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. I still have on my book shelf the 1979 First Edition that cost me £1.95 at the time that it was published. The book is sadly not in the best condition but this is mainly because it as, over the years, been well read many many times.
Douglas Adam's writing style made it very easy for me, as an eight year old, to read the book. It almost felt like the book was talking to me, a gift that comes from the almost conversational style to his writing.
But this is nothing compared to the humour contained within the book. Sometimes playful, sometimes satirical, sometimes bizarre, and sometimes very cutting indeed. A book that starts off by talking about "an utterly insignificant little blue green planet who ape-descendants are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea" very mush impacted on me, especially since I was wearing the Casio digital watch that I had got as a present and thought was the height of cool.
I can still, to this day, recognise the impact that this piece of fiction had upon my life. It definitely informed by sense of humour, as much as Monty Pythons Flying Circus and The Goons Show did. It also informed the way that I view the world, and the bizarreness of normal everyday things if seen from a different angle.
If you have never picked up the book then I would seriously recommended it. Whilst it is a trilogy in five parts (or even six parts if you include the recent release of Eoin Colfer's And Another Thing which I am in the process of reading at the moment), for me the first part will always remain the best. I doubt that anything will ever trump this book in my eyes, and I very much expect that it will have a special place in my heart until the day I do, or the Earth gets blown up to make way for an intergalactic bypass - whichever comes first.
Favourite Film
Unlike favourite book, this is not as easy since I have a handful of films from different genres which I adore and can watch over and over again. But if I was to pick one film as my favourite of all time it would probably be the 1985 release Clue.
The film is on the face of it just a comedy inspired by the board game Cluedo. It is directed by Jonathan Lynn, who also wrote the script with John Landis, and starring people like Tim Curry, Eileen Brennan, Lesley Ann Warren, Christopher Lloyd, and Madeline Khan.
I think the greatness of this movie comes from the well written script and the performances delivered by all the cast. The comedy itself is a cross between the visual humour of slap stick and a cleaver use of the English Language. Above everything, it is the quick fire banter between the characters that really attracts me to this movie since this is the sort of humour that I like. However, it is more than just quick fire humour, it is also very cleaver humour. An example would be the following exchange, which is also one of my favourites:
Mrs. White: I don't want a scandal, do I? We had had a very humiliating public confrontation. He was deranged. He was a lunatic! He didn't actually seem to like me very much; he had threatened to kill me in public.
Miss Scarlet: Why would he wanna kill you in public?
Wadsworth: I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her.
This sort of word play appeals to my sense of humour very much, and when added to the comedic influences mentioned early when I was talking about HHGTTG earlier possibly explains my own sense of humour a lot.
Clue was, by all accounts, not well received when it was released and I personally have to thank a wet Sunday afternoon TV showing for my exposure to the film. Needless to say, the next time it was shown I made sure that there was a videotape in the recorder.
Clue is one of those films that I love to pass on to other people, people who I feel will appreciate the humour. I suppose we all have a similar film in our collection. The film that we want other people to enjoy as much as we do.
Favourite TV Series
To those that know me well this will not come as a surprise. I do like a lot of different types of television programmes, but there is one show that will always be special to me. It is a show that as been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. The show in question is Doctor Who. You may have heard of it. It kind of made a bit of a come back in 2005 to a lot of critical acclaim.
Now, I do not mind the new Who that is released and I will still try and arrange to be in front of a TV for when it airs. However, my true love is the classic series that ran from 1963 until the BBC decided to "rest it" in 1989.
As a child growing up, the appeal that Doctor Who had was that every story was different. The format meant that after four weeks a new story would begin, and this story was usually completely different to the one that came before. You could have a horror story, followed by a murder mystery, followed by a spy adventure. The possibilities were endless.
Then there is the Doctor himself, the hero of our story. For me, Tom Baker will always be my Doctor. He was the one that I grew up with, and would settle down and watch on a Saturday night. I am sure that the children of today will feel towards David Tennant just how I feel towards Tom.
Now, Doctor Who for me was never a social thing. It was just me and the television screen, just me and the Doctor. Even now, I have a slight problem watching the show with other people. It is hard to explain why really. I suppose it is because it was always something that I did alone. Sure, before my first portable television, I watched it with family. But considering that I spent most of the time hiding behind a cushion I would not class it as being a very social experience.
These days I do not watch as much Doctor Who as I should. I go through periods when I will watch a few stories over the space of the week. And then sometimes, I can go months without. However, I always know that it is there if I want to just escape for a couple of hours.
Sunday, 25 October 2009
Regrets? I've had a few.
Whilst with some friends recently, the topic of conversation turned to the old party favourite "regrets". Do you have anything that you regret and would go back in time to fix?
Since then I have been thinking about this question.
Like everyone, I naturally have some regrets. It is only human to have situations and events which you regret happen. My regrets are usually about the actions of other people towards me, and the situations that have been created as a result. My regrets are mainly about the fact that I was not able to avoid the situations and the fall out that followed them.
However, I do not think that there is anything I regret in my life that I would wish to go back in time and change.
I have always believed that we are the sum of all the decisions and choices we have made in our lives. A leads to B leads to C leads to D. Everything that as happened, every decision we have made, as led us to where we are today.
Sure, I could change B so that it does not lead to C, but the roller coaster of that change in the chain of events would mean that I would not be in the place that I am now.
People can fixate on the past, especially when their regrets are concerned with their own particular actions. If only they had not done X. If only they had chosen Y. All the blame for the present is placed on an action in the past. It becomes, almost, an obsession. Constantly looking back and wishing that things were different.
The problem with this is that in focusing on the past we let the future pass us by. Instead to concentrating on where we are going we insist on living where we have been. Sure, we might have made a bad decision which as led us to a place where we would rather not be but unless we take ownership of our past and move on with our life then things will never progress.
I have always been a "move on" sort of person. When something happens it is usually a case of "okay, what next?". I try not to dwell. I just accept and return to living my life. If something as happened which as put me in a bad place then my focus is on how I will change this situation, rather than focusing on what as led me to the bad place.
I am reminded of someone I once knew. He was not sure about a relationship he was in and he asked my advice on what to do. Now, when it comes to the matters of the heart I have always believed that it is important to give something time. After all, relationships do take time and effort. So this was the advice that I gave - to give it time.
The relationship did not work out unfortunately, and due to his actions towards the end of the relationship he did lose credibility. It was definitely not how I would have handled it. However, rather than moving on he obsessed on what had caused the loss of credibility. And the thing he obsessed on was the advice I had given to him, advice that he chose to follow.
It all came to a head many years later when, after some alcohol had been consumed, he told me why he did not like me. And it was all because I gave him the advice to give it time.
Do I regret giving the advice? With hindsight yes. If I had known that it would ruin a potentially good friendship then I would have not given it. For me, advice is just another way of looking at something. If you take advice then that is your choice. If I had known that I would be blamed for giving the advice then I would not have given it.
I suppose that the reason why this incident comes to mind is because it highlights the two things I was talking about. The person in question was not prepared to take ownership of their decision, preferring to blame someone else for the decision that he made. He did not take ownership of his past. The person also did not "move on" from it. Instead, he chose to dwell on a bad mistake and blamed everything upon it.
It is only when we move on from the past that we can take steps to fix the mistakes that we have made. Sometimes the mistakes cannot be fixed, and the situations that we find ourselves in cannot be rectified. It is times like this that we need to say "what's next?" and move on.
Only when we draw a line under something can we consign it to the past rather than have it dominate the present, like a mill stone round our necks, and hold us back. Only when we take ownership of our past can we concentrate on the future, rather than on what might have been. It is only when we accept that we are the accumulation of all our choices and decisions that we can more forward.
The past is not something to dwell on, something to obsess over. The past is there to aid us in the future. They say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. The past is there to be learnt from and that is all. The past, when we have taken ownership of it, informs us when faced with similar situations in the future.
Do I have regrets? Yes I do.
Would I go back in time and change them? No, since I am who I am and where I am because of all the decisions that I have made. I am the sum of all my past - both for better and for worse.
Will I make the same mistakes in the future? I hope not but only time will tell.
Now, what's next?
Since then I have been thinking about this question.
Like everyone, I naturally have some regrets. It is only human to have situations and events which you regret happen. My regrets are usually about the actions of other people towards me, and the situations that have been created as a result. My regrets are mainly about the fact that I was not able to avoid the situations and the fall out that followed them.
However, I do not think that there is anything I regret in my life that I would wish to go back in time and change.
I have always believed that we are the sum of all the decisions and choices we have made in our lives. A leads to B leads to C leads to D. Everything that as happened, every decision we have made, as led us to where we are today.
Sure, I could change B so that it does not lead to C, but the roller coaster of that change in the chain of events would mean that I would not be in the place that I am now.
People can fixate on the past, especially when their regrets are concerned with their own particular actions. If only they had not done X. If only they had chosen Y. All the blame for the present is placed on an action in the past. It becomes, almost, an obsession. Constantly looking back and wishing that things were different.
The problem with this is that in focusing on the past we let the future pass us by. Instead to concentrating on where we are going we insist on living where we have been. Sure, we might have made a bad decision which as led us to a place where we would rather not be but unless we take ownership of our past and move on with our life then things will never progress.
I have always been a "move on" sort of person. When something happens it is usually a case of "okay, what next?". I try not to dwell. I just accept and return to living my life. If something as happened which as put me in a bad place then my focus is on how I will change this situation, rather than focusing on what as led me to the bad place.
I am reminded of someone I once knew. He was not sure about a relationship he was in and he asked my advice on what to do. Now, when it comes to the matters of the heart I have always believed that it is important to give something time. After all, relationships do take time and effort. So this was the advice that I gave - to give it time.
The relationship did not work out unfortunately, and due to his actions towards the end of the relationship he did lose credibility. It was definitely not how I would have handled it. However, rather than moving on he obsessed on what had caused the loss of credibility. And the thing he obsessed on was the advice I had given to him, advice that he chose to follow.
It all came to a head many years later when, after some alcohol had been consumed, he told me why he did not like me. And it was all because I gave him the advice to give it time.
Do I regret giving the advice? With hindsight yes. If I had known that it would ruin a potentially good friendship then I would have not given it. For me, advice is just another way of looking at something. If you take advice then that is your choice. If I had known that I would be blamed for giving the advice then I would not have given it.
I suppose that the reason why this incident comes to mind is because it highlights the two things I was talking about. The person in question was not prepared to take ownership of their decision, preferring to blame someone else for the decision that he made. He did not take ownership of his past. The person also did not "move on" from it. Instead, he chose to dwell on a bad mistake and blamed everything upon it.
It is only when we move on from the past that we can take steps to fix the mistakes that we have made. Sometimes the mistakes cannot be fixed, and the situations that we find ourselves in cannot be rectified. It is times like this that we need to say "what's next?" and move on.
Only when we draw a line under something can we consign it to the past rather than have it dominate the present, like a mill stone round our necks, and hold us back. Only when we take ownership of our past can we concentrate on the future, rather than on what might have been. It is only when we accept that we are the accumulation of all our choices and decisions that we can more forward.
The past is not something to dwell on, something to obsess over. The past is there to aid us in the future. They say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. The past is there to be learnt from and that is all. The past, when we have taken ownership of it, informs us when faced with similar situations in the future.
Do I have regrets? Yes I do.
Would I go back in time and change them? No, since I am who I am and where I am because of all the decisions that I have made. I am the sum of all my past - both for better and for worse.
Will I make the same mistakes in the future? I hope not but only time will tell.
Now, what's next?
Thursday, 22 October 2009
Previously on Fosse...
Where to start? This is always one of the problems with any form of writing. Get the start sorted and the rest, as they say, will follow.
Let's start with some basics.
Hi, my name is Alex. I'm 38 and I have recently been made redundant from an international insurer after eleven years service.
Now, I cannot deny that it is indeed a curse to be living in interesting times and I hope to be returning to the ranks of the working classes sooner than later. But I am also enjoying having some time to concentrate on me. If you are a man then it is unusual that you get the opportunity to have a "career break" due to the financial implications that it entails. So, I cannot deny that I am determined to enjoy the time that recent events have presented to me.
What else? Well, I am gay but do not take this to mean that you know who I am just because of my sexuality. My sexuality does not define who I am, it just informs about the gender of who I have sex with.
I do have an interest in musical theatre, and some people may class this as being my obvious gay trait. Personally, I like the genre and the promise of an happy resolution at the end of the show. I also like the format - the songs and the dances.
I do like my TV, but we can always deal with this at the later date in another entry. I am sure that there will be more than one entry about my thoughts on TV, what I like, what I do not, and just opinions in general.
You may be wondering why the reference to Fosse in the title of this blog entry? It is two fold really. Firstly, I love the work of Bob Fosse. His style of dance is very inspirational and I enjoy watching a good Fosse routine. Do not believe me? Go to YouTube and check out a couple of his routines. The second reason is that Fosse is a bit of a nickname, mainly due to it being my screen name on certain forums out on the inter-web.
So this is the first post on the blog. Where it goes from here? Who knows. We will just have to see.
Until next time.
Let's start with some basics.
Hi, my name is Alex. I'm 38 and I have recently been made redundant from an international insurer after eleven years service.
Now, I cannot deny that it is indeed a curse to be living in interesting times and I hope to be returning to the ranks of the working classes sooner than later. But I am also enjoying having some time to concentrate on me. If you are a man then it is unusual that you get the opportunity to have a "career break" due to the financial implications that it entails. So, I cannot deny that I am determined to enjoy the time that recent events have presented to me.
What else? Well, I am gay but do not take this to mean that you know who I am just because of my sexuality. My sexuality does not define who I am, it just informs about the gender of who I have sex with.
I do have an interest in musical theatre, and some people may class this as being my obvious gay trait. Personally, I like the genre and the promise of an happy resolution at the end of the show. I also like the format - the songs and the dances.
I do like my TV, but we can always deal with this at the later date in another entry. I am sure that there will be more than one entry about my thoughts on TV, what I like, what I do not, and just opinions in general.
You may be wondering why the reference to Fosse in the title of this blog entry? It is two fold really. Firstly, I love the work of Bob Fosse. His style of dance is very inspirational and I enjoy watching a good Fosse routine. Do not believe me? Go to YouTube and check out a couple of his routines. The second reason is that Fosse is a bit of a nickname, mainly due to it being my screen name on certain forums out on the inter-web.
So this is the first post on the blog. Where it goes from here? Who knows. We will just have to see.
Until next time.
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